The Sound of the Train

It was Connor's last day with me. The cute little blondie with the longest eyelashes you've ever seen and a vocabulary unimaginable for a three-year old was on his way to bigger and better things. I'd had him in my daycare for two years and over that time he had been in and out of the hospital and steadily wormed his way into my heart.

"Can we go outside and play Miss Yanna?".....I was busy unloading the dishwasher and considering what would be on the menu for lunch. My daily tasks loomed in front of me and I wanted to be organized and ready for the weekend. So, I continued with my work and encouraged him to play with some lego. He did for awhile and then began his favorite game of playing trains. "WOO WOO" could be heard all over the house but soon again, "Miss Yanna paleeeeeze can we go outside?"

I don't know about you but the Holy Spirit talks to me at moments like this, encouraging me to do what I know is right and true and yes, my responsibility. I sighed and gathered up the four little darlins I had that day and outside we went. Out came the balls and trucks and we began our ascent and descent of the faithful pink slide. As I took a break and sat on a trusty tree stump in the yard Connor followed me and asked to sit on my lap. It wasn't a normal request from him as he was a fairly independant fellow. I felt a lump form in my throat that was unexpected as I pondered that this was a moment that would not come back to me.

Connor's love since he began his time with me was trains. You would often hear him "choo chooing" around the house or coaxing the others to line up behind him so he could be the conductor and toot the imaginary whistle. His favorite kids show was of course, Thomas and Friends.

As I pulled him onto my lap he let out a gasp. "Did you hear that Miss Yanna?" I listened but could hear nothing. We waited quietly and then I heard it.....a train was going by and the "choo chooing" was getting louder as it neared the area. The tears came quite quickly then streaming down my face....yes, I would miss little Connor...but my tears were truly from a thankfulness to the Holy Spirit for pushing me gently to get myself outside and "hear" what He wanted me to. Connor said, "Can you hear that Miss Yanna, can you hear it. I LOVE trains!" I can honestly say I had never noticed the sound of the trains going by before so I knew this was a moment. A moment designed by the Lord to remind me of the importance of listening to Him and finding JOY in the little things. And to Connor, the sound of a train was a BIG thing!

I wonder how many times I miss moments that are divine messages from the Lord, encouragements He is sending to my heart, because I'm too busy doing my own thing to stop and obey... How about you? Maybe it's taking time to visit someone who's been on your mind. Maybe you need to sit down and color with your son or daughter. Maybe you need to get in your car and give Him the sacrifice of praise in the middle of your struggle. Whatever it is....listen to what He's saying and because He is faithful I know you'll "hear" the trains as they go by.

Priceless

I remember the story my mother tells of me as a four year old....we had just relocated to a new house and I wanted someone to play with. Around the neighborhood I went, knocking on every door to see if someone wanted to "come out and play with me."

Now I look after children during the day and the girls make me smile. One day they are "best friends" and the next day they are "not inviting you to my birthday party."

We chuckle at these sweet reminders of our childhood but still in the heart of every woman, I believe, is the desire for a close friend....a kindred spirit...as Anne would call it. Someone who understands you just the way you are... who actually likes your quirky ways...listens to your endless ramblings...cherishes your dreams...keeps your secrets...challenges (kindly) your insecurities...and treats you as a sister would.

I believe God put this desire within us. He created us for relationships. But there is so much involved for women in their friendships. Learning to trust, forgiving, communicating with honesty, and risking vulnerability to name a few.

There have been seasons in my life where I have felt so alone. These are the times I have been taught by the Lord that there is no FRIEND like Him. I believe we go through these seasons to learn to cling to Him and let Him touch our hearts like no friend can. We learn the truth that He alone can fill the ache in our hearts. And when we are full of Him we have so much to give our friends.

If you find yourself in a time of lonliness I want to encourage you to bring this request to the Lord. As Staci Eldredge says in her book Captivating, "We are not made to live our lives alone. We were designed to live in relationship and share in the lives of other women. We need each other. God knows that. He will help us. We have only to ask and surrender, to wait, to hope, and in faith, to love." I am one who has experienced His faithfulness in this way....not always in the timing I would like, mind you :)

If you are blessed with one or two friends who you have that close connection with, remember to treasure and value that gift. That is really what it is. God has entrusted you with the tender privilege to speak life into one of His daughters, to embrace someone a little different than you and to accept the same in return. The most precious thing I can do for my friend is to pray for her. And not just in my prayer times throughout the day.....pray together after you have a coffee and cast your cares on Him together. At times this can feel awkward but push through it anyway. The truest friend is a praying friend.

So, I'll leave you with a little challenge....call that friend today and tell her how much she means to you. Remind her that she is truly PRICELESS. Go ahead, be vulnerable. Thank her for the gift she is. Ask her if there is anything she needs accountability for. Take a step, a risk... after all, that's what we do when we really love someone.

Eyes on the Game

The game of choice at our house is basketball. From October til April, every Saturday, you'll find our family on the sidelines at three different games, cheering on the blue and the gold. I am partial to my sons, of course, but they really are pretty good. My mother buttons are generally popping those Saturday mornings!

One game I remember in particular, a son who will remain nameless, was struggling. I noticed he was fumbling, avoiding passes, giving the ball away very quickly and failing to take even simple shots. I wanted to call out to him..."wake up" because he literally seemed to be sleeping on the court. Everyone has off games but this was more...something was wrong.

It dawned on me suddenly that two things were stealing his focus. His brother, who is on the same team, was having an incredible game. The more the crowd cheered for his sibling, the greater his holding back became. I knew he was comparing every move to his brother's "skill level" and performance in this particular game. His eyes were on his own shortcomings and his brother's success....not the basket, the game plan or teamwork.

Also that day, several visitors appeared in the crowd who had specifically come to cheer on our two boys. Our senior pastor, his son and friend had arrived just after the first whistle blew. This son was so aware of wanting to do well in the eyes of our friends that he completely lost his focus. The more this happened the more his game was off.

My heart went out to him as I realized I have done this same thing so many times in my own life. Decided that my giftings were not as valuable as my fellow sisters in Chirst. And in holding back in this game of life and focusing on myself, an edge is lost. My eyes focus on what I am unable to do instead of what the Master has truly called me to. I pass assignments off to others quickly, I won't step up to the task because my concern is with me...I forget what the game plan is. I am forgetting the truth that I must keep my eyes fixed on Jesus. He is the Author of my faith and the Finisher of it too.

It can also be so easy to worry about pleasing people and appearing successful in their eyes. We long for the approval of those around us. It makes us feel valued and worthy if they applaud our efforts and accomplishments. But the truth is we will never please all of the people all of the time. So we might as well keep our eyes on the One who the game is all about....give Him glory when you get a swoosh, pass the ball to a team member when it's their moment to score and hey, enjoy the game while you're at it!

Aware of His Presence

The other night I dreamed that I was pregnant! I was thankful to wake up and know it was only a dream....I love my children but 4 is plenty...:)

The following day my thoughts were turned back to my pregnancies...remembering what it was like to have another life growing inside. Truly an amazing experience that is difficult to describe. The first butterfly flutters of movement, my expanding belly...the heartburn! So much change and a new awareness of my daily activities...all of a sudden there was a life that I was responsible for. As much as I loved coffee, I stopped drinking it. I thought about what I ate more, making sure I was eating enough fruits and vegetables. And when I was outside, especially during the northern BC winters, I watched for icy patches and was extremely aware of my footing.

As I was thinking this way I heard the Lord say very clearly to me..."Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you?" 1Cor 3:16.

There was a "yes Lord" go off inside of me and a stillness as this sunk in, in a fresh way. I need to have a deep awareness that every day I'm living I carry the Spirit of God in me. If I am aware of His presence, I will stop and listen as He whispers my name. If I am aware of His presence I will refrain from whatever could harm or hinder our communicating. If I am aware of His presence I will watch what I am consuming. And I will be aware of those places that could cause me to slip and cause injury to my growth. I will take the hands of those that have been placed around me for support instead of insisting I can do it on my own. A fall could be costly.

So today I pray for a fresh awareness of the Spirit of God within me and within you. That we would remember that we are indeed the temple of the Holy Spirit and that we are not our own. We have been bought with a price... so Lord let us glorify You in our bodies and our spirits...they belong to You.

1Cor6:19-20

Up you Get!

Does anyone else ever do stupid things besides me? Does anyone out there entertain thoughts of insecurity that you know you shouldn't? There are times in my life where I feel pretty strong....like I have a handle on my emotions, I'm focused on the Lord and really I could battle on the frontlines no problem.

Then there are the other days.....like this weekend. I felt sorry for myself several times about pretty silly things....I was moody....I felt like if God asked me to do something I could not do it. But one thing I'm learning about maturing and growing up in the Lord is getting back up when we fall. It is easy to stay sitting and wallowing when the conviction of the Holy Spirit comes and even make excuses about why we should feel badly a little longer. We give the enemy room to condemn us when we do this. But we must get up....repent...turn around and continue on. We receive the correction that comes from the Lord and PRESS.

Today it reminded me of my four sons. They make mistakes and sometimes I feel frustrated or even disappointed with their choices. But ultimately as their mother, at the end of the day when we talk and I tuck them in, my heart is full of compassion. One of them will often say he doesn't want to try again. I just keep making mistakes mom! I know the truth... that he must continue to do the best he can. I hear myself saying...."the important thing honey, is that when you make a mistake, you take resonsibility for it and don't make excuses and then ask Jesus to help you the next time to make the right choice." Wow... it sounds like some good advice.

The truth is that we are weak in ourselves. But if we surrender our weakness to Him and repent when we fall....He is strong. Remember the childhood song we all learned.."Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so, little ones to Him belong, they are weak but HE is STRONG."

Here is a thought I'll leave you with for today....

I'm continually amazed with my own failures. But the wonder of it all is that GOd keeps working on me and through me anyway. I'm convinced He's worked more through my failures than my successes. I'm so grateful the Bible is packed with failures who became champions of the faith: the Peters, the Davids, the Moseses, the John Marks, and the Jonahs. Their stories show me that God isn't looking at our acheivements, but at us--and that even my failures can be used for His ultimate glory.

Tim Hansel, Holy Sweat

So hey everyone....UP YOU GET!

Magnify

There are moments in my life...if I'm still for long enough...that I am truly in awe of God. He takes my breath away. It goes to show really that we need to slow down more often, think of Him, and magnify Him (make Him bigger!)

This happens to me every time I am flying in an airplane. I look out the window and stare at the ground below. I close my eyes and try to imagine the size of a single human being so far from where I am. I imagine that to a minute degree I have a perspective like the Lord does. And I am overcome with HIS greatness and how very small I am. Close your eyes for a minute and try to take this in. He is the God of the universe and yet HE is so in love with us. Your name is engraved in the palm of His hand. Nothing is going on in your life right now that He is unaware of or that He doesn't have an answer for.

So, tonight, after it gets dark....go outside....lay on your lawn...sit on a chair on your porch....look at the stars and MAGNIFY your CREATOR. Be quiet, be still and know that He is GOd.

Psalm 34:1-3

I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth.
My soul shall make its boast in the Lord; The humble shall hear of it and be glad.
Oh, MAGNIFY the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together.

Here's the lyrics of an old song the Lord brought back to my mind this afternoon...

"Think about His love...Think about His goodness...Think about His grace, that's brought us through....for as HIGH as the Heavens above....how great is the measure of our Father's love...great is the measure of our Father's love."

Sing it tonight if you know it when you look at the stars and let the truth of the words register deep in your soul.

Love,
Yanna